I'm Sorry and Please Forgive Me
by AuroraSinclair
Summary: rewriting story Forgive Me Momo opens her eyes and feels nothing but guilt but as she goes about her life Tōshirō helps her live again.
1. Chapter 1

A new life

Chapter 1

I don't own Bleach (God I wish it was my idea)

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The last thing I saw was blood. It was my blood and it all around me and then I saw nothing but darkness. I was alone in that darkness for what seemed like years with nothing to do but think. Thinking about how I ended up here alone with nothing but my thoughts and nothing to live for. For some reason Captain Hitsugaya was on my mind a lot scene the darkness took me. Life had taken us on very different paths, we had come a long way for me calling him Lil' Shiro and him spitting watermelon seeds on me because he hated me calling him that. Although I have no right to call him that now, not after I put my Zanpakutō to him when I attacked him

I still couldn't believe that the reason that I'm here alone in this darkness Aizen my Captain, if I can even call him that any longer. I really should angry at him after he betrayed me for his own needs. But he was part of the reason I worked as hand as I did while I was training I wanted to be just like him. If only I know that he was really a puppet of Gin's Ichimaru that's the only reason I can think of for him to stab me with his Zanpakutō. I think about the moment when I realized what Aizen had done and I find my way out…if I find my way out of this darkness I'll have a scar from where the the blade pierced me. But it's not the scar that I'm worried about I have plenty of them. I'm more worried about how this is going to affect me mentally. I did greatly admired that man and he was forced by Gin into using me and betrayed me.

I kept hearing Captain Hitsugaya voice in the distance. at first it was just telling me "I'm here Momo" or ""you're safe now" and then it became begging "Please wake up, please open my eyes" and as much as I want to open my eyes for him I can't. Or maybe I wouldn't I don't really know. I don't want to see the world that is on the other side of this darkness. Because I know that it would be full of pain. I would have to face what was done to me and try to rebuild my life and relationships that where destroyed by my actions. And yet Tōshirō voice sounds so sad like he's sad. It's almost my actions don't matter to him, he's still my friend. I wounder if I don't open up my eyes will he ever be be happy ever again. I want him to be happy more then I want to hind from everything and that is when I realize it's very cold in the room…wait room.

I felt weight in my legs and arms then everything else and I know that I am awake. I want to put off opening my eyes as long as I can out of fear but I know that I need to just do it. I feel my eyes flutter open and the first thing I see is a soft light and the back of a man's head. I am grateful to see light again but it's the man's head that surprises me it's white spiky hair and I I know who that is.

"Captain Hitsugaya?" I crock my mouth being very dry

He jumped a little turned around and looked at me with a smile on his face. I haven't seen him smile in a long time, I sometimes wounder if I was ever going to see him smile but there it was.

"Momo!" He breathed in surprise "you're awake!"

He took one long step and was right by my side. He took my hand giving it a little squeeze, I wanted to smile but everything was sore. looked up into my eyes I swear that it looked like he was about to start to cry. Tōshirō never really showed emoticons unless he was angry and here he was fighting to keep tears from spilling from his eyes. I looked down at our hands feeling tears of my own well in my eyes.

"How long have I been in 4th Division?" I asked blurting the first thing that popped into my mind and pulling my hand away from his "what happened? The last thing I saw was blood that I think was mine and then opening my eyes and seeing the back of you're head"

I took my hand again and I forced myself to gave him a small smile but I had to looked away from him green eyes. The bed moved so that I was in a slight sitting up.

"A while You remember that Aizen stabbed you?" Tōshirō said to me as I nodded my head "Well I know that you left your room with Gin so I followed you and showed up just as Aizen was walking away with Gin. At first I was shocked to see that he was alive and he told me that I showed up earlier then I should have, but that was because I was able to get past Izuru and he had no idea that he was a diversion. I demanded to know where you were. In one flash step I found you, on the floor in a pool of your blood."

I felt all the color drain from my face I had no idea about that happened after I fell into darkness. I didn't want him to tell me anymore but I know that he was going to tell me everything.

"It turns out that Aizen and Gin had been working together from the moment that Aizen became captain." Tōshirō kept telling me "this whole time he's been using us all to get what he wants. When I confronted him with the fact that you looked up to him, worked yourself so hard so you would be useful to him and was so happy when she finally became your lieutenant. He had the nerve to say that because you admired him so much you where so easy to control. And that was why he pressed so hard for you to be his lieutenant in the first place. And because you looked up to him so much you had no idea who he really was."

He stopped talking letting his words sink in. I was grateful that I had be unconscious for all of that I don't think I would have wanted to have survived if I had been awake for that.

"I lost it" he said as he held my hands really tightly "I summoned my Bankai and I told him I was going to kill him and I had ever intonation in doing that. However he lied to us all about that his Zanpakutō could do. And when I thought that I had killed him he had in fact got to me first and I passed out myself because of the wounds he inflected on me. Apparently Captain Unohana and her lieutenant arrived and learned the truth about Aizen's Zanpakutō. It has the ability called 'complete hypnotism' and that was how he fooled us all."

I realized that Tōshirō had gotten hurt because of me and I found that couldn't look him in the eye without new found guilt and also they made me feel from not opening my eyes sooner so that he know that I was alright. I made a face that I hoped looked like I was in pain anything to get him to stop talking about that had happened.

"I'll go get Captain Unohana" Tōshirō said letting go of my hands "I'll be right back."

I watched him walk out of the room and I released the breath I seemed to have been holding. I felt so guilty I don't know why but I felt a little better now that he was gone. I was just starting to relax a little when Captain Unohana walked into the room looking very pleased to see me awake.

"Welcome back Lieutenant Hinamori" she said to me with a worm smile "How are you feeling"

"Momo, I'm no lieutenant" I corrected her looking at my hands "I feel okay I guess"

I looked up and saw Tōshirō walk in behind Captain Unohana. He looked sadly at me and walk out of the room as everything got colder in his wake. I looked down and felt myself start to cry, it was all just too much for me.

"He hardly ever left you're side" she explained to me kindly "and it would seem the two of you have a lot to talk about once you are healthy enough to leave the 4th."

I nodded my head as she started to exam me. Captain Unohana was really genital with me as she pulled back my robe and examined my wound that Aizen had given me. It's almost healed but I will have a scar but I already had a feeling about that.

"I'm not going to clear you for work for a long time" Unohana explains to me "you have a lot of healing to do and it's not all going to be physical thought. If you're hungry I'll have some soup brought to you."

my stomach made a sound as if demanding said soup.

"Please" I said with a slight smile "I do have a request to make I don't want to go near the 5th division any time soon please don't make me."

"No one will make you" She assured me "not until you are ready, I give you my word"

I felt myself relax Captain Unohana just gave me a small smile and she put her hand on my shoulder have it a little squeeze and then left the room. I pushed myself up a little higher so I could look out the window. It was a beautiful day out in the Sereitei but to me it was just the sun shinning. I wasn't paying attention when Tōshirō walked back into the room carrying a tray with soup on it. He gave me a small smile and sat down next to me putting the try on my lap.

"here" Tōshirō said "They told me you could eat this"

"Thank you" I whispered

I ate a few spoon fulls both of us not saying a word. That was normal for him but not even a little for me. If I wasn't feeling as guilty as I had I would have been talking to him.

"Captain Hitsugaya?" I asked

"Yes Momo" he said looking at me like I had said something funny

I know that he was getting a kick out of me calling him captain every time I addressed him.

"I'm sure you have better things to do then sit here with me and watch me eat this" I said as I took the spoon to my mouth "I'm just going to go back to sleep"

He just sighed at me and looked out the window as if knowing that I was trying to get him to leave. He then put his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up so that I was looking at him.

"I did leave Matsumoto with the paper work." Tōshirō said to me looking me in the eyes "Finish you soup and get some sleep. I'll check on you in the morning alright"

I gave a small smile because I couldn't nod my head because he still had his fingers under my chin. Tōshirō stood up and walked to the door but then stopped and looked at me.

"When you're able to leave the 4th you're going to come to the 10th division to stay" He told me "I'm not letting you go back to the 5th anytime soon."

"I have no other place to go Captain Hitsugaya" I said "I too want nothing to do with the 5th"

Tōshirō nodded once and walked out the room leaving me to my soup and my thoughts. I finished the soup and was thinking about asking for another bowl when of all people Rukia Kuchiki walked into my room.

"Look who's awake" She said as she stopped in front of the bed "I know Renji will be happy to see you up and about."

"That would be nice of you" I said to her "I'm glad that they didn't kill you, that would have broken Renji's heart."

She smiled at me and a slight blush crept across her cheeks.

"It's a shame a bunch of us are going to be leaving for the world of the living" She said to me "or I'd have you come and stay with me until you're ready to rejoin. Although Tōshirō has already put his foot down and you're going to be going to the 10th"

"anywhere is better then the 5th" I started feeling my eyes droop

All she did was smiled at me and it made me feel so much better.

"Good news is you'll have Tōshirō rooms all to yourself " Rukia smiled as she picked up my tray "do you want another bowl?"

"Please" I smiled at her

But I had no idea if she came back because I feel asleep as soon as she closed the door behind her.

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I hope you enjoy the rewrite of the story if not please don't tell me I do this for fun and don't need anyone negativity.


	2. Chapter 2

I smells safe

Chapter 2

I don't own Bleach (God I wish it was my idea)

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I stayed in the 4th Division for almost a month and was ready to leave a day or two after Captain Hitsugaya, Rangiku Matsumoto, Ikkaku Madrame, Yumicjika Ayasegawa, Renji Abarai and Rukia Kuchiki left to go to the world of the living. I was putting it off because I felt safe within the walls of the 4th and I just couldn't make myself leave. Although it seemed that I had no choice because Izuru walked in my room and handed me once of my normal robs take me to the 10th. I know I had no choice so I walked with him.

"Come on Momo it wouldn't be that bad" Izuru told me as we walked slowly to the 10th Division "You'll get to stay in the captain's room and that's a lot better then what we as Lieutenants get to stay in. And promise that I'll stop by and see you all the time. You just need to work on getting yourself healthy, back to normal and ready to rejoin."

"You're sweet Izuru" I said in a whisper not able to talk at my normal value "But I don't know if I'll ever be able to be her again. Aizen may not have been able to kill me but I believe he was able to kill the Momo I used to be."

We didn't say anything to each other the rest to the walk Izuru seemed to be lost in thought. I could tell that like me he was feeling guilty for his hand in what happened. If nothing else we had the guilt in common.

"It wasn't you're fault Izuru" I stated when we reached the door to the 10th. "You where just doing as ordered by Captain...I mean Gin Ichimaru. You where just following orders."

"You should take your own advice Momo" Izuru said as he pushed the door open "We both know that you would never have try to kill Captain Hitsugaya. It was all Aizen forgive yourself Momo and get then get back to your life."

When we reached the 10th Izuru did a walk through of every room that I could possibility go into. He made sure that everyone know that I was going to be in Tōshirō's rooms, although everyone know that already. I smiled as he helped me into Captain Hitsugaya's rooms and I laughed at how funny it was to watch him hang up my clothing. I laughed when he started to ask me if the soap smelled how I wanted it too. He went out of his way to made feel like I was at home even if it wasn't really home. When he was sure that I had everything I could possibility needed we made plans to have at least one meal a day together each day. He pulled me into a hug before he left me alone with my thoughts in an unfamiliar room. It seemed that in the weeks sense I woke up I was alone with my thoughts way to much.

I had plenty of visitors coming to see me in the 4th, Renji stopped by everyday and sometimes he would have Rukia with him. On a said note I think that those two happened to be getting a little closer and that made me so happy. Rangiku would show up randomly and I think she was using visiting me as a means to get out of the 10th division's paperwork. A few members of the 5th came to check on me and to find out when I would be coming back. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I wasn't. Captain Hitsugaya would stop by every night like clockwork and would eat the evening meal with me. Izuru stopped by everyday as well mostly to bring me a book or a cup a tea. It wasn't until the day that the group left for the world of the living did I have a visitor that had never thought I'd see. General Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryusai or in other worlds Capetian of the 1st Division. He was nothing but nice and told me that I could take as long as I needed. When I asked him if I could be removed from the 5th as Lieutenant and transferred. All he could say was that he would see. The old man always had his plans I my needs didn't really matter in the the grand plan.

For the most part I was board out of my mind being alone for two days in that room. It was long before I found myself killing time by looking through Captain Hitsugaya things. I know that I shouldn't but I just couldn't help it I am a girl after all and we really can't help it. It turned out that Captain Hitsugaya was rather sentimental in the very back of his closet one of the extra blankets was the one I slept with in our childhood home. I found myself just sitting in his closet reading a book when Izuru walked into the room for lunch.

"Momo" He called from the door "I know you're in here Kōkichirō Takezoe told me that you haven't left the room once sense they dropped you off."

Kōkichirō Takezoe was the 7th set of the 10th division and that was all I really know about him.

"I've been reading" I said from the corner in the closet "I just can't bring myself to leave"

"So you thought I'm just going to read a book in Captain Hitsugaya's closet?"

I was glad that I no one could seem me because I was blushing so much that I would bet that I looked like a tomato.

"I thought that if I was" I trued to find the words to explain what I was doing "Oh never mind"

I walked out of the closet putting my book next to the bed.

"Why the closet?" He asked me with a knowing look on his face.

"Nothing" I snapped at him "I was just...it smells safe alright"

Izuru laugh holding onto his sides. I put my hands on my hips and looked at him.

"Yes it's so funny" I snapped "can we just go to lunch or something"

"Momo" his laughter started to die down "that has to be the cutest thing you have ever said."

That made me smile.

"Come on" Izuru said as he looked at the book I was reading "Lets go for a walk into the Rukongai. I think that it'll do you some good to get out and be among other people."

I had to admit that the idea of going to the Rukongai was appealing.

"Alright" I said with a smile

"get changed then" He laughed "I'll wait for you out side"

I couldn't help the small smile that crossed my lips as he walked out of the room. I walked back into the closet and changed for a day in the Rukongai. I couldn't stop myself but before I left the room I pulled one of Captain Hitsugaya's captain haori to my face and smelled it. I know it sounds a little creepy but I still wasn't in my right mind yet. I walked out of the room slid the door closed and left with Izuru. And for the first time the last thing on my mind wasn't what I had done or all the guilt that I felt I was just able to well be Momo again.

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thanks for reading


	3. Chapter 3

Looks like everyone is back

Chapter 3

I don't own Bleach (God I wish it was my idea)

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Things got a lot better after that day. I spent the next few weeks going on walks with Izuru everyday. Although we had said all that I thought that was needed to be it still seemed to me that he was trying to make up for what was done. I was slowly getting more used to being out and about again. Izuru was going with the tossing me into deep end as a way to get me to open back up.

After a few weeks of having him with me walking past the 5th that I felt that maybe I was up for trying to go by myself. At first I just walked past and then I walked up to the door. One night I was out walking with no real place in mind I just wanted to walk. It wasn't until I looked up did I realize that I was standing in the middle of the 5th and in front of my bedroom door. I took a deep breath and pushed the door open not sure how I was going to react to being here. No one had touched anything and I only know that because everything was as I left it. I picked up my old Lieutenant badge and I sighed. But when I picked up my Zanpakutō glad to have it back but it was still covered in my blood. I was going to have to clean it but it just felt good to have it back in my hands. I told myself that I was going to clean it and start working with it tomorrow.

I just went back to my walk until it became dusk so I started walking back to the 10th. I turned a corner and saw Renji and Rukia talking to each other in front of the 6th Division. I stopped I was surprised to them because they where part of the group that went to the world of the living helping to help that guy that came to save Rukia named Ichigo. My knowledge about Ichigo was only from what both Renji and Rukia had told me about him. Rukia know more due to the fact that she had slept in his closet while she was living the first time in the world of the living. I found that kind of funny in hind sight after all I did find myself reading books in a closet.

I could tell that they where fighting rather then talking and I didn't want to snoop. But then again those two fought all the time so I king of wondered what they where fighting about. If maybe the fight was about a certain substitute soul reaper. I had a feeling that Renji was worried that Rukia might have started to develop feelings for Ichigo. I mean what kind of relationship do you have when you're willing to die to save the life of another. It was something that I understood with Tōshirō. I tried to sneak past them when Renji yelled over at me.

"Momo" Renji he said as he waved me over

I managed a smile and started walking to them Renji pulled me into a hug.

"You look much better" Rukia said as I stepped away from Renji "the color is back in your face"

"Where you coming from the 5th?" Renji asked looked at my Zanpakutō not looking at me "Please tell me that you didn't go by yourself."

"Does it matter" I asked him looking Rukia who had a worried look on her face

"what in the hell where you doing there?" He snapped and then turned to look away from me "have you lost you're mind I thought Izuru was going to stay with you so that you wouldn't be alone."

"Renji stop being an ass" Rukia said with a roll of her eyes "if she felt that she was ready then shut up"

Renji smiled at Rukia like she was the greatest thing in the world. Seeing that melted my heart and made me wish for something like that for myself. It was good to see that there relationship had survived and now seemed to thriving.

"I'm fine Renji" I stated with a small smile "It wasn't a big deal I just went in and got my Zanpakutō. I was in and out in like two minutes...no big deal."

"Is that blood" Renji asked as he took my Zanpakutō from me"Is that you're blood? Why haven't you cleaned it yet?"

I looked at Rukia who had an annoyed look on her face as she looked at Renji.

"I just got it" I stated with a sheepish looking hoping that they didn't see how much it did bother me that it did still have my blood on it "I plan to clean it tomorrow. Then I'm going to start training again."

"You're over reacting Renji" Rukia said putting her hand on his forehead "this is good news she wants to start training"

Rukia gave Renji a look that told made him back down. I wondered how she was able to do that because the most I could do was get those under me to stop talking with a slight look.

"Would you like me to walk you back to the 10th" Renji asked me

"No thank you" I said as I shock my head and smiled turning and walking away. "have a good night you two. Don't so anything I wouldn't do"

"Momo! They both yelled in surprise

I didn't look at them but I had a feeling that Renji's face was now the same color as his hair. I didn't get too far when Rukia start to talk to Renji again in a hushed tone.

"She looks almost back to normal" She said to him "And if she has her Zanpakutō then it must mean that she might be ready to return to work. Maybe I should talk to my brother and see if she can be placed in your division."

"No Captain Hitsugaya will look after her" Renji stated "they grew up together just like we did and I take good care of you don't I?"

"If you called that little stunt with Ichigo at the Sōkyoku taking care of me then I hope that Captain Hitsugaya does a better job." Rukia joked as she play punched him in the arm "Although I'm sure my brother is better..."

"I think it's sweet you want to protect her" he said "but she's in good hands with Hitsugaya just like you with me"

"I guess you're right" Rukia sighed and then it was quite for a moment and I think she kissed him "I'll see you later I'm going home"

I thought that it was very sweet of Rukia to offer to talk to her brother for me but I was able to look after myself. After all as soon as Captain Hitsugaya returned I'd leave the 10th for a new division wouldn't I. I never wanted to be that person that need someone to take care of me. I had so may wanting to do that at this point and I was just about over it. But I did understand why everyone seemed to want too. I looked up to Aizen from the moment he saved my life when I was at school. Then to have that taken away from me it was like having the bubble popped and I had lost a lot of faith in who I was for not being able to see what was going on.

With a sigh I walked the rest of the way to the 10th without running into anyone. I had a feeling that if Rukia and Renji where back in the back then others would be back too. When I walked into the 10th everything was how it had been when I left no signs of Captain Hitsugaya. I put my Zanpakutō on the wall and got ready for bed. As I was brushing my hair I decided to get up early in the morning I could clean my Zanpakutō and work out with Izuru and those of the 3rd. I know that I have a long road ahead of myself but I was looking forward to it. I wanted to get back to being a working member of 13 court guard squads.

They said that I was one of the best with Kidō; I would just say that I had a talent for it. if that was true then I was going to be needed. And if Aizen wanted to finish the job I'd give him one hell of a fight in order to do it. Maybe it was even time for me to get my Bankai. I don't think that it was going to happen in time, it takes years and I don't think I had that long. I looked back on my Zanpakutō and smiling to myself I crawled into the center of the bed and pulled the blanket over me. The last thought I had before I closed my eyes was 'at least I have a plan' and I did.

I used to be an extremely sound sleeper, I mean I would sleep through myself wetting the bed although that was when I was younger. And that was how I got that stupid nick name from Captain Hitsugaya 'bed wetter Momo'. And that was why I started calling him 'Lili Shiro' to make him mad just like being called 'bed wetter Momo' made me so mad. It was even joked that I could sleep through a boom going off and not even roll over. But ever since the day when Aizen stabbed me the slightest sound would wake me up. I was having a great dream when I was woken up by the sound of two people talking outside the door. I rolled over ready to get up and tell whoever that was to go away when I saw the shadows.

"Shouldn't we be quite in front of the door" The taller shadow said

"Momo sleeps like the dead" the shorter shadow said with a hit of a smile in his voice

"That was by far the longest meeting I've ever sat through" I know that it was Matsumoto "And in this silly school girl uniform too. Let me guess you want me in the office doing paper work early in the morning."

"Don't over sleep" Captain Hitsugaya said as the door started to slide open "good night"

"You're going in?" She asked him "isn't Momo asleep in there?"

He smiled and shrugged his shoulder.

"I'm just going into get a change of cloths" He explained to her " I'm not staying in this get up any longer then I have to. I'll sleeping on the couch in the office tonight."

The door open all the way and I rolled onto my back and acted like I was asleep. The last thing I wanted was for him to know that I had been awake for all that. I watched him through half closed eyes as he walk into the room and look at me. When a small smile crossed his lips I was a little surprised he never looked at me like that before. He looked around the room he walked over to my Zanpakutō. he walked over to it quickly and picked it up, he gave it a hard look almost like something was wrong with it. And I couldn't tell if it was happy that I had it or mad that I had it. Then his face went hard as stone when he saw that it was still covered in my blood. I pulled the blanket tighter to me when the room started to get cold. That was a sure sign I that he was mad and I didn't want to deal with him mad I just wanted to go back to sleep. I opened my eyes fully acting like the cold was what work me up and looked at him.

"Oh Captain Hitsugaya" I said "You're back"

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thanks for reading


	4. Chapter 4

Not my Captain

Chapter 4

I don't own Bleach

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"Oh Captain Hitsugaya" I said giving a small smile "You're back"

That was when I got my first look at him and his clothing. He was still dressed like a boy from the world of the living. I couldn't believe the thought that crossed my mind 'I wandered if he was planing to keep it so I could see him in it again' craziness. But that wasn't what made me really look at him. It was the look on his face, he looked at me like I had lost my mind. I sat up in his bed and looked at him again he then shoved my Zanpakutō in my face like I had done something wrong.

"What's wrong" I asked at a complete loss for words until I said the only thing I could think of "I thought that you'd be glad that I had it."

"Yes it great" He snapped at me "Why my I ask is it still covered in your blood?"

Ah that was why he was mad. I was starting to regret not cleaning it when I got it. But I pushed that aside I had a plan and I was going to do this at my pace no one eases.

"Because I just got it from the 5th tonight" I said getting on my knees reaching for it "I was planning on cleaning it in the morning."

Once again he looked at me like I had lost my mind and maybe I had I wasn't really sure. I sighed and reached out to take my Zanpakutō from him but he pulled it out of my reach. I felt like he was playing a game of keep away with me.

"You went to the 5th tonight?" He said in a raised voice almost yelling "Please tell me that you didn't go in there alone"

"So what if I did" I scoffed at him

"What where you thinking Momo?" He yelled this time

He had never yelled at me before so I was shocked.

"That I should get it over and done with" I said getting to my feet "I am technically I am still the lieutenant of the 5th. I'm capable of walking around soul society without the need of a baby sitter."

I yanked my Zanpakutō out of his hands and put it back where it was.

"Oh but I think you do" He stated crossing his arms across his chest "after all I did have to save your life"

I was shocked that he had just said that to me. In that moment I forgot that we had grown up together, forget who he was, and that he was a captain. All that mattered at this point was just how mad I was.

"I didn't ask you to" I snapped at him

I had never been mad at him as I was at this moment. I slue of insults started to run through my mind as we eyed each other.

"You're over reacting" I said looking at him

"Just go back to sleep" he ordered me "you and I WILL talk about this in the morning."

He had just ordered me like I was a member of the 10th. He could order me about but and he could pull rank one me. He was a Captain and that meant that he had a higher rank them I did although if he was going to order me about his orders had to be cleared through my Captain. Or in other words Captain Hitsugaya would have to go through Aizen. However the old man's orders trumped them all. It really was confusing and I wasn't even really sure that I understood it, but I could obey any order by any captain...normally. Tōshirō had just pissed me off.

"I beg your pardon" I snapped at him

"Do I need to repeat myself?" he said in a condescending tone as he walked into his closet "go back to sleep you look like hell"

That was it for me, I was beyond mad and I wanted to hit him across his white spiky haired head face. And it seemed that he was reaching a boiling point as well because the room was growing cold. As I looked at him I thought about all the strides I had made and I personally thought that I had come a long way from how I looked and felt the first few days after I woke up. And he didn't seem to notice any of that. I was done, I wasn't about to stay in his division any longer if he was going to be like that. I picked up my things and I marched to the door.

"I do not look like hell" I yelled at him "I've come a long way since you last saw me. It's not my fault that you've been playing around in the world of the living all of this time and haven't see what I have done Tōshirō"

"Hey" He yelled back at me not missing a beat "Mind your manners, It's CAPTAIN HITSUGAYA!"

I stopped in mid step shocked that he just corrected me about me addressing him by his title.

"Oh you can take you're title and shove it" I snapped back "So what if you're a captain, you're still the same short boy that I grew up what."

It got so cold in that room that I could see my breath and ice was forming on the walls. But I didn't care I wanted to get as far away from him and that room as I could. I walked to the door cloths and Zanpakutō in hand. I reached over to the door and was about to pull it open when it was frozen shout with a thick layer of ice covering it.

"You're right I'm a captain." He yelled at me "And as such you need to respect me for that."

"Respect isn't given" I stated "It's earned"

"Really" He scoffed at me "what about the respect you give you old captain blindly. A man who I might reminder your tried to kill you. And damn near came close to it too. If I had not been there you would have died. Why are you being so ungrateful"

"Ungrateful?! Do you want me thank you? Thank You Captain Hitsugaya" I stated as I bowed to him "for saving my life but I've never been helpless and you shouldn't treat me as so."

Captain Hitsugaya doesn't seem to know what to do. It looked like he was trying to stop the winter that was forming in the room.

"Just go back to sleep Momo" He sighed at me "Stop fighting with me and just do what I say"

I wasn't going to do what he wanted and I didn't know why I was being so willful but I didn't want to do what he told me to do.

"I'll fight you all I want" I snapped at him

I marched to the door and was about to slide it open when it froze over and I wheeled on him.

"unfreeze the damn door" I yelled at him "I'm going back to the 5th"

The ice that formed on the door seemed to increase in thickness when I said that. His hands clenched into fists with white knuckles.

"Like hell you are" he told me

He walked at me, he was two maybe one step from being in my face and I started to panic and did the first thing that came to me mind.

"THRUST" I yelled the Kidō spell at him and he was pushed back to the other wall giving me enough time to turn to the door "Bakudō 33 RED FLAME CANNON!"

The door exploded and I very calmly started walking out the door. I walked out the door and walked as quickly as I could in the direction of the 5th.

"STRIKE!" Captain Hitsugaya yelled at me from behind me

I was engulfed in a red light and I couldn't move. He had never used a Kidō on me before just like how I had never used it on him. He had hit me that one time but that was because I was trying to kill him at the time and I was not really proud that. I watched over my shoulder as he walked up to me with a look that I didn't understand and or like. I had never seen him look like that before and I wasn't sure if I liked what I saw.

"You want to use Kidō on me then fine" He stated in a low tone that he never used on me before "But you really should wait until you're back to your full strength Momo. When was the last time you performed any? I'd have to say it was right you went into that comma. Have you even bothered to practice Kidō scene you woke up?"

That felt like a taunt and I narrowed my eyes a him. He walked around me so that we now faced each other. The look in his eyes made me feel like I was being being stocked, almost like I was his pray. In the back of my mind I was wondering why he was looking at me like that. As I stood there I started to calm down and I realized how much I had really messed up. I had just gotten into a fight with a Captain, yelling at said Captain, and then using Kidō on the same Captain. If he wanted to he could put back into and this time jail for a long time. I closed my eyes and tried to get out of his Kidō spell but he was right, I wasn't even close to my full strength.

"Let me go Captain Hitsugaya" I demanded

I felt so frustrated and I felt tear well in my eyes but before the tears fell from my eyes the red walls fell and I could move again. I looked at him and nodded my head in thanks unable to say anything to him. I started to walk away in the direction of the 5th just wanting this night to end. Everything was just starting to become too much for me today. At this point all I wanted was to get as far from Captain Hitsugaya as I could. But it seemed that Captain Hitsugaya had other plans because he flash stepped in front of me with a sigh.

"Get back to the 10th Momo" He ordered me

"Please stop ordering me around Captain Hitsugaya" I said softly still on the verge of tears "I don't want to be at the 10th if you're going to be there. I shouldn't even be allowed to be there. Please just let me go"

That was the first time that I let him know that I really felt guilty about everything. His angry look in his eyes softened and he was looking at me with a much softer look. I looked down at my feet not able to look him in the eyes. That was when he took a step to me and pulled me into a hug. I wasn't sure of what to do so I tried to push him off of me but he only held me closer to him. For a brief moment I let myself enjoy his arms around me and his smell but I really couldn't enjoy it.

"Please let me go" I said

"Why?" He asked with a laugh in his voice "It looks like you need a hug"

I tried to push him again when I felt scars on his chest that I didn't know of. I stopped pushing I looked up at him.

"Is that from when...Aizen?" I asked

"Yeah" was all he said

I pulled away from him and this time he didn't try to stop me. I still have no idea how I was able to go from pissed to sad in the blink of an eye. It could have just been a girl thing then again it very well be guilt. And I had a lot of that now a days

"That is why I don't want to be around you" I said to him "I almost cost you you're life. I can not live with myself if I really had, had a hand in your death."

"Stop that Momo" he said sternly to me "You and I grew up together I've known you longer then anyone else here. I'm always going to want to take care of you, protect you, look out for you, and I will kill that bastard for you. Nothing you say is ever going to chance that. So just come back to the 10th and go back to sleep. I don't want you alone at the 5th. Please I don't want you to be alone."

I gave a small smile.

"But I was alone the whole time you where gone" I said still not sure what to do

"No you where not" He told me with a shrug "Izuru was staying in Rangiku's room. He was keeping any eye on you for me, I guess he didn't keep that good of an eye on you if you thought that you where alone. Honestly, Momo I know you're every move. And before you say anything I know you think you don't need a babysitter but I watched you almost die once I don't think that I could do it again."

I gave up the fight, I just didn't have any more in me. So I just let him pull me back to the 10th and back to his room. While he fixed the door I stood there feeling bad. When the door was fixed enough that there was a wall again (sort of) he stood there waiting for me to get back into the bed. As soon as my body hit the bed my body relaxed. I rolled over onto my side so my back was to him as he moved about the room. My life really was a mess and I just needed to have myself a good cry.


	5. Chapter 5

Eating Me Alive

Chapter 5

I don't own Bleach

* * *

I woke up very early for me the next morning and I was revealed to find that I was along in the room. I got dressed and collected my things faster then I think I ever got dressed in my life. once I was sure that I had everything I needed and or wanted for the day pushed the door open and walked out. I looked to the left to where the 10th's office was located at just wanting to make sure that I could get out without him standing in the way. I slid the door closed sort of and was about to walk out of the 10th when a hand grabbed my arm. I jumped and turned around to see Matsumoto looking at me with a small smile.

"trying to sneak out are we" She said to me with a glint in her eyes "come on lets go get some lunch looks like you need someone to talk to that isn't Tōshirō or Izuru"

"um...no...It's only 9:15 in the morning" I tried to get out "isn't lunch a more after noon thing besides I want to go clean my Zanpakutō."

She looked at me and saw my Zanpakutō with the blood stains on it.

"Then lets go clean it" She said to me "Then we'll go and get lunch

She looked at me with that you can't get out of it look.

"I don't know" I started

"that or I can take you into that office" She said pointing down the hall at the door "And I can tell him that you where trying to sneak out. And if you think that little fight last night was bad I shutter to think how bad it would be if he found out about you trying to sneak out."

I made a face that made her smile knowing that she had one. She genitally grabbed my arm and drag me out of the 10th's office pushing it open. At first I thought that she was going to rat me out, I was making a list of all the evil things I was going to call her. However she stopped at the door and waited for Tōshirō to look up from his paper work.

"Hey" She said in her shipper voice "I'm taking Momo to clean her Zanpakutō then we're going to lunch."

I was surprised that she wasn't asking for permission she was telling him. But then I was worried that he was going to come out of the office and talk to us. It seemed that wasn't going to happen either.

"Don't get drunk we have a lot of paper work do." was all he said with a smile in his voice

The next thing I know I was dragged out of the 10th and over to a quite pond. She flopped down on the grass and looked up at the cloudless sky. I couldn't help but smile at her and I got to work. It wasn't taking as long as I thought that it would have but I was taking extra care with it after all Tobiume had a sprite in her and she needed to know that I was willing to get back to work with her. I was polishing the flowers on the hilt when I saw the pink glow and I felt a warmth from it.

"it seems she's happy I am alive" I said to Rangiku

"I would hope so" Rangiku said with a smile

As I was patting the last of the water off my Zanpakutō when Rangiku appeared at my shoulder looking at me.

"I bet she's also happy to be clean." she said as she offered me a hand to help me up "Nothing like a god bath to clear ones mind"

I let Rangiku dragged me off out to an early lunch. We sat eating I mostly pushed my food around not really hungry although the tea was nice. She on the other hand ate like any normal person who didn't feel like the world was falling down around them would eat. Rangiku looked at me with those blue eyes of hers and I felt myself wanting to be as far away from her as I could get.

"Okay Momo so talk to me" She said after awhile when she realized that I had stopped eating "I know that this isn't about you trying to have independence as some of the boys have suggested. It can't just be about Aizen... although I'm sure that is part of it."

She was giving me as look as I started to bite my lip trying to work it out. I wasn't sure that I wanted to talk about it.

"I promise that I wouldn't tell anyone what you tell me." She said as she crossed her heart "come on...you can't keep it to yourself forever. It'll eat you alive"

"Captain Hitsugaya" I said finally

Matsumoto chocked on her tea and looked at me through shocked eyes. This wasn't what she was expecting she put her cup down and coughed a few times.

"Tōshirō?" She asked when she was able to talk "What about him?

"He almost died because of me" I said fighting back my tears putting my hands together on top of the table "I don't think I could live with myself if he died because of me. I mean I know that it comes with our job and it's part of our life as soul reapers. But I'll be damned if he puts himself in a place like that because of me...again."

Matsumoto had a far off look in her eyes. She picked up her cup and sipped her tea and looked at me with a thoughtful. She smiled as she reached out and grabbed one of my hands and gave it an light squeeze. It seemed that everyone was doing that like the squeeze would make everything better.

"I've know Tōshirō for a while!" She said to me with a smile "Not as long as you have, I mean you have know him your whole life. I can tell you this...he's more protective of you then anyone in the whole of soul society. He puts himself in that place because that's just how he is."

"He's over protective!" I sighed with a shake of my head "I am more then capable of taking care of myself"

We both laughed and I realize just how good that felt to laugh.

"true but it's more then that Momo" Rangiku said with a sad smile "I saw him while you where in the 4th. It was like he was running on auto polite he was there but he wasn't at the sometime."

I wasn't sure I wanted to hear but I had a feeling she wasn't going to stop.

"He wouldn't yell at me for not doing my half of the paper work, when he wasn't at the 10th he would be at the 4th with you." She said with a hunted look in her eyes "I'll admit this only to you and if you tell him I will disavowal that I told you this. But I would eavesdrop when he would talk to you. He would talk about when you where kids, what it was like for him when you left him for the academy, and how this was so much harder for him. All he wanted was for you to wake up and open you're eyes."

"this just make it worse" I said crying for real now "the guilt" it's eating me alive Rangiku."

I was reminded of Rukia who for a while also lived with a crushing guilt about Kaien Shiba. I briefly thought about talking to her about how she lives with that kind of guilt.

"It's simple don't let it." Rangiku said to me "What's done is done. Stop dwelling on it. Aizen betrayed you and tried to kill you but look at yourself. You're awake and living a life without him in it. If you want another example look at me and Izuru. Gin was my childhood friend much like you and Tōshirō. He was Izuru's Captain and yeah he didn't try to kills us, no he just used us. Then there is Captain Sajin Komamura he was a close friend to Captain Kaname and now they're enemies. Quite a few of us have felt the in one way or another what you are. The difference is you almost died because of it all."

I looked at her and then looked at the food in front of me. And I took a real bight of it hungry finally, it was good to be reminded about the fact that there where other that where going through some of the same things as I was.

"You're not alone in this Momo" She said with a smile "You have me, Izuru, Renji and Tōshirō to help you. So stop trying to do this alone, let those that love you help you."

We ate the rest of are meal not talking I think she was talked out and I was grateful for that. When we where done She and I walked back to the 10th together talking about Captain Hitsugaya and each trying to copy his cranky face.

"When he joined I had a feeling that he would end up a captain." I told her thinking about how he young he was for that kind of responsibility "when we where little we would sit and eat watermelon and his pile was always so much bigger then mine ever could have been. When I went off to the academy when I came home to visit I would talk and talk and talk until he couldn't take anymore of it. He would then spit the seeds at me as a way to get me to shout up. I do tend to talk a lot."

We reached the 10th I kind of kept back not wanting to really go in and see him. Matsumoto looked at me and smiled taking my hand.

"I have to go back in but you don't" She said to me "you can keep right on walking about go about you day. But sooner or later you're going to have to talk to him. and just between us girls better sooner rather then later."

She left me outside of the 10th. I really had to made up my mind about this. I was about to walk off when I realized something...it hit me like a ton of bricks. Could the reason that he would go to all that for me was because he thought of me as more then just a friend? I found myself on my back watching the clouds when and pop up in my elbow when I saw Renji and Rukia walking in odd looking robes when I saw that they happened to be holding hands I wondered if maybe I could have that too. I was beginning to wounder if maybe...just maybe.


	6. Chapter 6

I Promise

I don't own Bleach

* * *

I was starting to become more like myself over the next few days but I still kept thinking about the maybe. Captain Hitsugaya and I ate dinner together and he made sure that I didn't need anything when he left me in his room. It when two days after I had cleaned my Zanpakutō, Captain Hitsugaya hugged me and I was stuck thinking about the possibility of the maybe. I was in my sleep ware when it hit me I wanted I needed to talk to him and maybe I could turn that in something other then a maybe.

Sill in the night clothing I took off down the hall to the office that I know that Captain Hitsugaya was sleeping. I looked at the door to the 10th office and knocked.

"Yeah" Captain Hitsugaya said

"5th division lieutenant Momo Hinamori" I stated feeling like those words chock on the way out "asking permission to enter sir"

This was the first time that I did anything like this yet alone to Captain Hitsugaya.

"I thought you left the 5th" He asked looking at me thoughtfully

It all made scene now he's smell made me fell so safe, why I felt so guilty, why the thought of him dying because of me hurt me so much, and why I fought him so hard the other night. I looked at the door of the office taking a deep breath as pushed it open.

"Until I'm told other wise that is still my title sir" I said "last night you said we would be having a talk today."

I waited for him to say something anything he was taking his sweet damn time and when he walked further into the office I started to feeling like like this was a mistake. He gave a little nod of his head that I took to mean that I should follow him into the room. I closed the door behind me and walked to his desk feeling like this was about to be a big mistake.

"I'm sorry about the fight the other night Captain Hitsugaya" I began while I fiddled with my hands "I know better then to attack a captain and I'm sorry to say that I've done it to you...twice."

"It's fine Momo" Tōshirō said "I don't care about it I understand you're under a lot of stress and I have a feeling that I wasn't helping much that night."

I smile a little, same old Tōshirō cold as ice on the outside and yet he wasn't that harsh.

"I would also like to thank you for coming to my rescue when Aizen tried to kill me. Although you really had no reason to jump in and do that" I stated wondering if it was always going to be this hard to talk to him now "I'm also sorry that you where hurt in process."

"No reason?" He asked me looking coldly

The room got cold again, I was really starting to get sick of that. It seemed that every time I said something that he didn't seem to like he would lose control. I sighed because this wasn't how I wanted this to go I was going to pour my heart out to him tell him everything about how I felt. But he was just taking it the wrong way.

"Why would you think I have to reason to protect you Momo" He snapped at me closing the distance between us.

"What reason do you have to want to protect me then" I said taking steps back away from him "If it's just because grew up together and were childhood friends..."

His hands clenched into fists and he looked away from me. I know then that there was more to it then just him being protective for the sack of our childhood friendship, he felt something more for me.

"Is that what you think?" He asked me his eyes softening "That you're just my childhood friend Momo?"

"I don't know what to think" I said feeling trapped by him

He reached out for me but as he moved to touch me he was slow. It was like he was trying not to scare me as he touched me.

"I think maybe there's more too this then childhood friendship" I said looking at him "I think that because when I was a asleep it felt like I was trapped in a world of darkness. I remember hearing someone talking to me, at first I couldn't make out who was taking. But as the sounds took shape into words the were words about some of my old childhood memories. that voice talked about watermelons, bed wetting, and me leaving for school and I know that it was you."

The next thing I know Tōshirō pulled me into a hug I didn't think he was capable of him to give and I didn't try to fight it this time.

"I want you to know Momo" He said in a soft whisper "You don't have to do this alone I'm right here for you. You have my room as long as you want I don't want you going any place that might upset you."

"I know that I'm not alone" I said into his shoulder "I just feel so guilty for everything that I had a hand in. I mean I attacked Izuru, believed that letter, and attacking you. And then to make it worse I attacked you my oldest friend twice."

I had a flash of me fighting Tōshirō and how he only defended himself from me.

"I think we can forget about you trying to kill me" Tōshirō said with a slight laugh

"You where my best friend growing up and even when we where children I had a hard time reading you." I said thinking about how I still didn't have a clue what was going on in his head "You are a lot like your Zanpakutō cold as ice. But that has never stopped me has it from wanting to be part of your life has it."

We both started to laugh a little and I felt the stress just fall away.

"Not that I let you stop me" I laughed at the scowl on his face "I would still just show up and bug the hell out of you and you always had a small smile when I would leave so I know that you didn't really care."

"I liked that you would come around" He said shyly

" Looks like Aizen did something good when he tried to kill me."

He scowled at me again and I couldn't help the small laugh, It felt so good to laugh again.

"Don't give me that look" I stated with a smile "the funny thing about betrayal..."

"Momo" He cut me off again

I sighed I reached out and touched his arm and he looked up at me.

"The funny thing about betrayal" I tried again feeling at a loss "is that you can finally see what's right in front of you. I've had it rough for a wile now but the one that that has always been there, has been you Tōshirō. You made sure that I wasn't alone while you where in the world of the living, that I wouldn't have to be alone in at the 5th, then after that fight you didn't force me to talk to you when I wasn't ready, then you let Matsumoto knock some since into me without it seeming like she was. You are a good man Tōshirō Hitsugaya and a great leader!"

"I don't feel like a good man" He said to me with a dark tone that made me shiver "But I can promise you this! That I'll make this right so that your soul isn't fighting this fight anymore and so that I can see you smiling face again. I miss seeing that Momo."

I don't know what came over me but I kissed him right there on his lips. When I pulled away I quickly blushing and looked away from him.

"I'm sorry" I said quickly and looking down at my feet unable to look at him "I shouldn't have done that"

The next thing I know his finger where under my chin and tilting my head up to look up into his blue green eyes. He looked at me thoughtfully and then he leaned into me and this time he kissed me. When I pulled away I couldn't help but smile my big old smile.

"The reason why I fight so hard to protect you is because you have always been more then just my childhood friend" Tōshirō told me and kissed me again then he switched into what I was starting to call Captain mode "Now about you're living arrangement like I said earlier, until you are told to return to the 5th you're staying her with me."

"I do believe we already covered that" I said with a sake of my head "Is that an order sir"

He looked at me slipping out of Captain mode and back into man that I care about so much.

"How about we call it a request" He said with a small smile as he took my hand

"I can do a request" I said smiling

I let go of his hand and walked toward the door wanting to get some sleep.

"I'll see you tomorrow then" I said opening the door and walking out heading to his bedroom.

"Oh and Momo" He called to me as he appeared at the door to the office

I turned and looked at him.

"Don't wet the bed" He said with a small laugh "Sooner or later I'll be getting it back"

"I promise" was all I was able to get out

Once I was able to get back into Tōshirō's room I felt my face to heat up again from a blush. Tōshirō and I had just kissed it seemed that things really had changed.


End file.
